Resolution time

I normally do not make these; but this year is very good.
I had grand plans for making resolutions; I even played out the resolutions in my head. It went something like this:
1. Clear Loans
2. Become Independent
3. Lose weight
4. Call people often enough
5. Crank the ENgine
All very work work work...

But then my school friend suddenly decided to die. Not that I knew him very well or liked him enough. I quite disliked him only. But I was shocked by the intensity of the anguish I felt. And that is when I began to realize that when people go, you actually begin to see the nice things in them and begin to wish them good.

So I guess the resolution that will top the list is that I will stop hating/ disliking people. Atleast I will honestly try. It will be difficult in a lot of cases, but still. It would not be a resolution if it was easy would it?

May his soul rest in peace. I wish I had kept in touch better, even if he did not :(

First payout

The best 20k I ever got! Yay! I hope there will more and bigger :)

Back

Getting married can be quite taxing. Which is why I have sort of been out of action. But I am back now. There is still some tiredness left in me, but I am getting along now.

2010 is a make or break year. I have big plans for 2010. I hope they come true! Amen!

No one understands

No one, I mean no one understands what it is that I am going through! And somewhere I feel very sad about it. But in some ways it is also a nice thing... I can do what I want to unhindered!

country roads

It is almost an eerie feeling of deja vu. I remember sitting in good ol' Delhi office of my last employer and play country roads, take me home. It meant a lot then, just the longing to be in Bangalore, at home, amidst people I loved and who cared for me.

And I got that. And for a while, the song stopped pulling at the raw nerve. It seems to have found one again and I know not why. Something is not feeling right, something tells me I am in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing, for the wrong goals, with the wrong means, for the wrong people! What a waste of time it is all beginning to feel. And I need to do something about it. Country Roads will hopefully make me find whatever it is I am looking for!

it is easy to be ordinary

It is very easy to be ordinary, have low ambitions and lead a simple life of joy and happiness. I wonder if such a life can be content and fulfilling. This thought arises from the fact that when you are gone, nobody will miss you, not a single soul will ever stop their life because you died. This is but natural behaviour. So what is it that you should do so that people will always remember you, so that you leave a good imprint on the world and its history and future.

It is easy to say, there is a lot of satisfaction in being there for all your people, doing the right things, doing the required things and just leading a satisfying life! It is very important, but it is relatively easy to do. It takes a lot to be great, to leave an imprint on the world, so that when you go, people will always remember.

Take the case of Alexander the great! By 32, he conquered much of the world and died, that he still is considered amongst the greatest rulers ever.

Take the case of Saint Thyagaraja, he changed the world of Carnatic music. Not only did he absorb the entire past of Carnatic music, but also set the standard for carnatic music for ages to come. Even today, the structure he gave to Carnatic music holds. He defined Carnatic music.

Take the case of Neil Armstrong. He will always be remembered for setting his foot on the moon - the first time ever by a human being.

There are so few great men like this in the history of mankind. And they are the only ones who will be remembered beyond their times. And they are difficult to be like. It takes a lot and I think that is what I want to be. I want to leave a mark on the world, and I dont want to be just remembered by a handlful of people and be forgotten after they left the world!

It is as they say, easy to be ordinary!

Somehow, it gets complicated - 1

As he sat in his car under the shade of the wide banyan tree of the drive-in restaurant sipping a strongly brewed south Indian filter kaapi, Yash always wondered why it all got so complicated, separately at work, at home, in personal life and as a combination in life!

Work he knew was never going to be easy. He had accepted that he would set aside his ideals and ensure his boss was happy! He was going to get that promotion, he wanted the position, the role and the money very much. He was not desperate for it, but he thought it was good to have. The business class flights, the 5-star hotel stays, the pretty secretary were all things to look forward to. The Deputy Director position was close by and he was just 29! One of the youngest to make it there. And he knew he had played his cards well. The boss was happy, more than happy with him - he had traded some personal favours and he had the boss all aligned. His boss was indebted to him both professionally and personally. Yash had saved his boss's skin more than once and this made the promotion to the DD position a given. And Yash never wondered why he had to do all of this in spite of the fact that he was very good at his work. Somehow, he was so corporate an animal, the sucking upto instinct came to him easily! Good for him. But it was suddenly getting complicated!

Home was always peaceful; Yash knew he could always bank on appa and amma. Amma more since, being the youngest of 3 sons, he was the apple of her eye. He could get away with a lot of things. Coming home openly drunk to a brahmin family that shuddered at the thought of alcohol, all the night long parties, the charges to cops for drunken driving, rash driving, red light jumping and so on, for a long time., since the B.Com days.. All this was absorbed by home. He never showed it, but he had given back; each time there was a crisis, Yash had dropped all that he had on his hands and been there, more solidly than his other 2 pious opportunist brothers. And the less said about the silly sister, the better. The ungrateful thing had just done what she wanted and gone off to the USA. He loved home and he was there to stay. And he knew, it was shelter that he could always come back to. But it was getting complicated.

Yash had virtually no personal life. He was the always the boy from the rich industrial home. He was always the guy who was there for his friends, and his friends were always around. When not partying at the usual pub or the latest disco, Yash was fixing someone else's problems. He was there to pay of the debts of a college buddy or getting the bail for another or getting the next one to the hospital with a broken head. This set of friends, who often used Yash, was his only personal life. Yash was fiercely loyal; even when he thought he was being used. And he was almost always there. He never had time to himself. Most nights were short, due to all the parties and were often mass sleep overs at his place or someone else's in a deeply passed out state. Yash never had time to himself, except the half an hour drive in his black BMW 3 series to work. It was the only time he had to himself. He was happy with this, being public property and the life style could not sustain a partner. But now, this was changing; making it complicated.

aint i glad

The fact that my aunt, uncle, cousin and another aunt stay 5 min walk away is amongst the few other things the most comforting things in my life. The others are appa, amma, home, p and fufe :)

Morning After

There is a concept of the morning after; how you feel the morning after is the best indicator of how an incident happened. An incident might give you a brilliant high, the glory, the attention, the sheer excitement, the people, the kick of doing what you did, the spotlights, the honour, the joy!

But once the make up is off, the spotlights are off, the costumes sent back and when the exhaustion sets in, and you have to face the real you in the mirror and live life with the people who matter to you, if you still feel good and at peace with yourself, you did the right thing and if you dont you know you made a mistake.

Never judge by the hype in the moment. Face the truth when you look at yourself the morning after :)

when it really sucks

I happen to just get out of a meeting where all the managers were discussin hiring and i was asked to represent my manager. It was awful! They are so artificial. And talk about people like objects and are extremely judgemental about people's capabilities without knowing them! I dont know if I want to be there!

transcend

I wish I too could go through a washing machine and come out alive, like my transcend flash drive.

F the world

F*** the damn world! F*** them all! I don't want to stop what I want to do because some good for nothing idiot lazy ass idiot does not do this job well! Or that babus are trying to keep blaming our own self for laziness. I am going to do what needs to be done and that I will do! Even if it means screaming at people, not sleeping enough, getting fatter or whatever else. It is not possible that what I want to do can be dependent on someone else making a phone call! F*** them all! Thanks M for that lovely lovely line.

P.S. You can see I am pissed!

Dont I love my friends :D

tea: ley

4:50pm coffee: tells

4:50pm tea: y lost ur mind?

4:51pm coffee: yeah i did! long ago. did you not know :P:P

4:51pm tea: oh stale news then :P:P i thot nenne monne kalkondyeno antha :P:P :P:P

4:52pm coffee: :P:P how can u lose it twice? it is like virginity.... goes only once ;);)

4:53pm tea: ROTFL u jus equated ur mind to virginity?!?! how base :P:P u hd lost it long ago indeed :D:D

they always tell you

Rohit knew the signs when he saw them. He could see them ever so often. They stared at him everywhere. And some of the signs were dangerous. But somehow he just went on and on, along the dicey path he had chosen. He kept to it, and it was becoming clearer that he could not ignore the signs any longer!

unstable

The last few weeks have been tiring. And I am not able to keep my mind at anything. There is work piling up everywhere and it is annoying me. But I cannot seem to be able to get all of it done. Which is not a good sign!

Gee, I wonder why ;)

listen

when the whole world tell you something, it is probably true :)

long lost

2 of my closest friends from school refuse absolutely refuse to pick the phone!

whatay life!

I am not kidding. I got home at 5:50 pm yesterday and that was because the routing guy in office goofed up. I should have been home 5:35pm! But I guess you cannot get everything. But that is not the point of this post. All the above was for people to feel jealous of me. Muhahahahaha!

But this is the whatay life part. I had not run in the morning. So I decided to go running. And it was rainy. So I wore my biker's jacket (sad that I do not have a bike) and went off. My colleagues at office shared some awesome English music with me and I decided to put it on my I-pod and started running. And some point during the return run, over a flat part of land it started drizzling and began to get very windy; cold windy.

And as my sweat pores worked hard to get out all the heat from my body, there was this amazing feeling as the wind blew over and played its games with me. And I thought, what a life!

I will kill, maim and murder to be able to run down a windy wet road at 6pm everyday! Whatay life!

4th step

My baby is getting faster :)

Nice day

Today so far has been a nice day. And a little crazy as well.
1. I ran off in the morning so that I dont have to miss my run because I am meeting MT in the evening
2. Bomande called me and asked me about tax issues when I was half asleep. I answered; damn it! I should be a tax consultant :p
3. I spoke to SRK and as usual it was nice
4. I threatened A to call me enough
5. The weather is awesome and I am drinking nice coffee as I type this
6. But what does take the cake is I insulted PJ by telling him he is beginning to sound like me (and I dont believe that he told me I dont call enough!) :D

no conditions

Gaurav had been in this relationship for 5 years now. He was this sort of person who had lot of people in his life, he loved them very dearly. Friends, family and finally but most importantly his significant other with whom he shared a steady relationship for the past 5 years. Gaurav is the sort who loved very strongly, each relationship was very special to him; it took a lot from him, he invested a lot in each of them. And they were very important to him.

But with the one that mattered the most, he was very different. He never saw an up or down. It was intense, but a sustained intensity that seemed to last for long time and something he felt would never never go down. And as she said, he expected very little which while was awesome in many many ways, was not so great in some. But she did not complain.

And sometimes he wondered about this. She was so much a part of his life that he just accepted, even when things changed. He waited patiently when she was cranky, she went off into her own world and when they felt like strangers to each other. But somehow, this love was so strong, so secure and stable that it never shook, may be just a little. It did not have the crazy high of a drug, but brought the security that only home brings and for this they loved each other very very very deeply. Thank god they thought many times, we're glad it worked out the way it did!

Trip

I am back from the annual Skal gang trip to chickmagalur. I am happy about it because I got to speak to the guys and the usual good times was there. I wish NAK and PJ were there. From next year onwards the most important person of my life will also be there :) and that feels nice. And I hope A and A will also be married by then so that P and I will not be the only married couple around. C'magalur is an awesome place in the rains. I do wish though that Bomande and V were not so serious when we could have had so much fun while we could have made such fools of ourselves :)

But the best thing is that I spoke to V like I never have in my life before and it feels nice to know someone more than you ever did before. A good trip, and I hope we can keep the once a year thing. Aint I glad my friends are there! And A should call me more, he simply should!

P.S. I hope we all get our bonuses this year :D

sec 377

I came home today and amma announced that Sec 377 was toned down. I am very happy, this was long due and I do hope apart from decriminalization, which is like the worst thing to do, our society can respect and integrate the sexual minorities.

But the best part was I sat down with appa and amma and discussed this issue. They took it very naturally and though in slight discomfort, they too seemed to welcome the decision. Boy! They are broad-minded for their age!

eye lock

It was a wild disco night. Drunk people were dancing away to the loud peppy music of the DJ. The disco lights were making wild patterns on the floor. They were both at opposite ends of the disco. But they both had the same strong feeling that someone special was across the floor. So they left their respective partners and gravitated towards the centre of the floor. And then it happened. Sometimes you just know that it has happened. As they stared into each other's eyes, there was the brilliant spark of realization that they had waited for this moment forever. This was it. This was the person. Without a single word, they locked hands and walked away... forever!

cafe city centre

He walked in to the coffee shop in the middle of the city. Wow! he thought, this place is so nice. He was grateful that cities have these pockets right in their over crowded centre where either the government decided to own it or the wonderful owner was not lured by the money that real estate was going to fetch him and decided to keep serving good old fashioned coffee in chipped china and with waiters who seemed like they hadn't had a bath in a few years. But the sheer amount of open space made the place seem like heaven amidst all the noise, pollution and congestion. Even people on the road seemed like intruders; there were just so many of them on the roads just like animals, cars and dirt and grime. The beggars made it worse. And at night, the pimps and hookers made it colourful. But the cool shade of the large banyan tree right in the middle of the open air cafe brought a huge smile on his face; he had chosen the rendezvous point right.

He was there for an interview. Interview of a person of some stature. Nothing huge or fancy about her, but she was a winner in her own right. She had, to put it simply, stood the test of time. Her novels never reached the NY bestsellers list, but that did not deter her from pouring out the travails of a woman in India. She wrote novel after novel, highlighting the good and bad things (more bad things) that happened to women in India. And finally the recognition was hers. The local government had recognized at her old age, the contribution she had made to the womens' rights particularly and modern literature in general. And she chose to express herself in English, a language not her native and definitely not the native of the women she highlighted in her work.

Why does she write in English, he wondered? It simply made her inaccessible to a vast audience that would have resonated with the way she felt and what she conveyed in her books. May be she never intended to reach them, may be she never thought of it as women's rights but looked at the whole issue with an indifference and only chose it because there were enough case studies around for her to easily make stories out of them. May be she was not creative at all; as is expected from most writers of books; may be she was just a special kind of reporter. Worse still, may be she never sympathaised with the women she wrote about; they probably meant nothing to her. She could may be write about cockroaches or global warming in the same way that she did about the oppressed women. And because someone who felt about oppression read her novel, they decided to make her a person who stood for all of this; womens' rights and all. May be she is like some of the people who can be branded as "cooling-glass-liberal". This he thought would be the ideal thing to speak about.

the fiction series

I am starting a series of articles that will be labeled "fiction". It is a series of articles depicting various types of people I have met. Incidents I have heard of and discussed. But they are all changed beyond recoginition. So do not bother trying to find out who it is based on

independence

Bitch and I were drunk; not the usual high, but the rare occasion where I am out of my mind. Completely gone :) and we were on an old fashioned swing, sitting cross-legged across each other and asking babu to swing us back and forth, back and forth. The alcohol when you swing, makes you wilder and madder.

And after all the how important we are to each other and how we never find enough time for each other, we spoke about a very serious thing; I wonder how we managed in our drunken stupor. But we did and it was very important a topic. It was that of independence. Not in terms of constitutional rights but independence in a relationship.

Love binds us to the person we love; more so when such love is romantic and it is expected that we depend on the person we love. This is in contradiction to what a lot of people strive for and stand for: the fact that they are strong-willed independent individuals; that they can sort out their own issues, bend their will they way they want to come up with incredible things; to pull themselves up on their own when they are feeling down; to never cry or breakdown and so on and so forth. In some ways, independent people build a fortress around themselves so that internal struggle can never be seen. But is that something that will let you be what your lover wants you to be. Love is often described as two bodies-one soul, of being able to read each other's mind and just know what to do, to let go and trust completely; and sometimes in an obvious way. Independent people can love and can love very deeply; but it does not show always. They have a wall around them, and their character does not let them bare it all, not even to their most loved ones. And that often causes a lot of angst and frustration.

There is no solution to this, no right and wrong; but my take is that there is an immense satisfaction in the fact that you can depend on someone so much that you can let go of something that you have stood for so long; may be that is why they say love makes you so humble. To every independent person; I say let go of it my man and give in.

P.S. This independent tendency is more with men than with women. That is just my observation.

of what is really wrong

I was wondering in office of why I feel like loser these days; loser is a strong word and I do not normally use it for anyone let alone myself; but the whole bloody point is that I have begun to feel like that for sometime now. And it is not even that I am doing loserly things or loserly things are happening but I feel like one just the same!

And then as I thought about what I have become, I realized why. May be the analysis is wrong but I think I have it right. Here goes why:

I have always been an achiever; I did well right through school and college; I was the apple of everyone's eye, especially the grown ups. There was a lot of respect as I stood for something. All this happened because I always wanted to be different from the rest, a cut better, a mile ahead and an hour earlier. And added with the fact that things had to be perfect in all that I did, I think I managed to stand out pretty well. This was till college (read BE).

Then came the MBA days; the days when I craved for anonymity. I wanted to be one in the crowd, an ordinary guy with no great ambition; just doing enough to stay afloat. And because of this I missed a lot of opportunities. But it was not something that I minded so much at that point in time. Nor do I mind it now.

But being one in the crowd is not me; it is so against the kind of person I am, the things I stand for. I have always stood out; by achieving something that others thought or found difficult. And that gave me my kick, the motivation to do good and bold and great things. That is the real me and I miss being that; especially since that I am an under-paid under-utilized business analyst on a loser floor with even more loser colleagues.

And if I need to be happy and true to myself, I will need to get back to doing things that will surely set me apart; make me something that people will be in awe of and that is when I think all the disgruntlement with life will settle down.

Yeah baby, I know what is wrong and I think I now have a solution to the problem that I have faced so often in the past 4 years, what is it that I really want to do! Amen!

Me bitch and babu; of why i love them

It is best read from below to top; i had fun when the emails were exchanged :)


Pilan for you 3: chiti chiti bang bang! J
Me: Directorial debut

But seriously what do we do?

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 4:24 PM
To: Babu@reddygaru.com; Bitch@bitch’s companyWORESHT!
Whatay nonsense u baays is speaking….
Now what is the plan?

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 4:19 PM
To: 'Bitch'; Me
Jabless –One stone killed of so many baards ra. Goog one!
I choose not to do it actually. So chumma writing code whenever I want to J

From: Bitch [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 4:08 PM
To: Babu; Me
Thu jabless mins go give off kaas ra??

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 4:03 PM
To: Me; Bitch
Bleedi whaatay, are we bucking now or we do a sudden arrival there and surprise the shat out of them ?
Gilmore grrls=Ragil

P.S I have no work :P

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 4:02 PM
To: Babu@reddygaru.com; Bitch@bitch’s company
You will get close-up shots da…. Full graphic

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 3:51 PM
To: Me; Bitch@bitch’s company
Bleedi where the yell will I go? :)

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 3:43 PM
To: Bitch@bitch’s company; Babu@reddygaru.com
Otherwise ur car only :P

From: Bitch [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 3:42 PM
To: Me; Babu@reddygaru.com
That we’ll think of laterss…. These peepals don’t seem to have too much bujiness anyway!

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 3:41 PM
To: Bitch; Babu@reddygaru.com
What if they don’t let us off baby?

From: Bitch [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 3:40 PM
To: Me; Babu@reddygaru.com
Yes its close to my heart ….but when will I go and pay??
I’ll leave at 9…and tomorrow also!! So besht we’ll just go off on Saturday and check in!

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 3:37 PM
To: Bitch; Babu@reddygaru.com
What ra!
Ulsoor is close to you.
Go off and pay no?

From: Bitch [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 3:36 PM
To: Babu; Me
These fellows are saying they want some advance it sims!!
Bledi…aphice is in ulsoor! Wat to do now?

I told them we cant go and pay….any other options?

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 2:55 PM
To: Bitch; Me
Eh gil air and all you not tear ra. Hall ready you getting so bold and all J

Book off this!!!
Woodrichu

From: Bitch [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 2:47 PM
To: Babu; Me
Woodrich boys are saying 1200 per head for stay, lunch, dinner and breakfast!!
But ees ofter the airports!! Wat do?

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 1:05 PM
To: Babu@reddygaru.com; Bitch@bitch’s company
Baby
Reply off da!
Or it is this sideof town

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 12:39 PM
To: Me; Bitch@bitch’s company
Shall we go to Kunita buddhiranis house and ask for some mahney- Self dev fund? J

Bleedi where are all those resorts?. Shall we go to Taj Kutteram? :P

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 12:31 PM
To: Babu@reddygaru.com; Bitch@bitch’s company
There is cilub cabbana…

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, June 04, 2009 12:20 PM
To: 'Bitch'; Me
Bais,

Nat at all finding places this Helyenka side! Share off your valuable suggestions.

From: Bitch [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 3:06 PM
To: Babu; Me
Which hunkill you are talking about ra bledi beedi?

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 3:00 PM
To: Me; Bitch
Google for elim resorts :)
Try calling that holiday village also :)

That bleedi hunkill has been acting like a damager, simpleeee talkin !!!

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 3:01 PM
To: Babu@reddygaru.com; Bitch@bitch’s company
Send number…..
I will call and fix it….

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 2:54 PM
To: Me; Bitch@bitch’s company
Oh drunk curds, I fought off with that guy ra :)

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 2:48 PM
To: Bitch@bitch’s company; Babu@reddygaru.com
Bibekaaa dahlin! Pleaje book off same place.

From: Bitch [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 2:45 PM
To: Me; Babu@reddygaru.com
Wok! Just you put one plan and tell me – I will let you know if there is any place!

From: Bitch [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 2:29 PM
To: Me; Babu@reddygaru.com
2.5k overall mins?? everything a?
Each wont have to spend 3-4 k ya!

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 1:59 PM
To: Babu@reddygaru.com; Bitch
It was 2.5 k overall da! I think that is enough…. I don’t want to ispend off some 3-4k each of us…

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 1:51 PM
To: 'Bitch'; Me
That it was 2.5 k

From: Bitch [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 1:38 PM
To: Babu; Me
Just you ppls telling me how much this old place was on kanakfur! There are places on bannerghatta road and hosur road!
These places are be some 2-3 k!! wok wa?

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 12:45 PM
To: Me; Bitch
Grrls,

BTW grrls is now a word which actually means high maintenance girls.. So good going you three J
Bleedi ungil whatay not calling wonly. Waste only.
This need not be on Kanakapura road actually, so suggestions if you give off means I booking!!

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Tuesday, June 02, 2009 12:40 PM
To: Babu@reddygaru.com; Bitch@bitch’s company
Baay and grrrl.

Wassup?
Baby, holiday village is families only…..

Babu book off something no, quickly?

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 4:55 PM
To: Me; Bitch@bitch’s company
What a waste this gil is !!!
And gil is punju! lol

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 4:53 PM
To: Babu@reddygaru.com; Bitch@bitch’s company
Bitch, tell da!
Am so waiting for you!

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 4:48 PM
To: Me; Bitch@bitch’s company
Ok P*******E

So I shall book of?

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 4:35 PM
To: Babu@reddygaru.com; Bitch@bitch’s company
U will always be the p**p :P

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 4:30 PM
To: Me; Bitch@bitch’s company
For clarity sakes: Threesome mins swa, srin and gil!
Cam work: VD

From: Me [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 4:27 PM
To: Bitch@bitch’s company; Babu@reddygaru.com
We will go, get drunk make noise and leave in the morning J
Songs good no?

From: Bitch [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 4:17 PM
To: Babu
Cc: Me
Ayee naansense baai!!

Someone please tells me the yagenda…wat we are going to do?
Byaby you can mail me sefaratey shy mins!

From: Babu [mailto]
Sent: Thursday, May 28, 2009 3:25 PM
To: Bitch
Cc: MeGrrls,

Please confirm off bleedi asap Ragil, so that I can book off.
Swaroop please do the needful with your keep!

Alls are expecting.. lol

the bag repair lady

This happened a few months ago, may be 1 month ago, am not too sure; but I will remember it for a long time to come. Why I am going to remember it, I am not really very sure, but I guess when you read the incident you will realize what it is that struck me and imprinted it on my memory. If you get it right, it means you know me well.

I have this Che Guevara bag, dirty green ('twas green but I guess over 2 years of abuse and not washing it has gotten dirty :D) and something I think is a style statement but most others think makes me look like a beggary scholar; I just love this bag since it is very nice and it is the only thing that I bought for myself from Europe. The bag's handle tore because I had overfilled it with some weird stuff and I was looking desperately looking for someone in my area to repair it for me. But I could not find anyone to repair it. So off I went to good old 4th block shopping complex to get it repaired.

There is this lady who has a small bag repair shop next to Raghavendra complex, just near the coffee day coffee pudi store. She has been around for a while and appa always says she is the best person to repair bags. I went along there and gave my bag.

Me: Swalpa bag repair maaDbeku. Urgent ittu
Lady: En aagide
Me: Handle kitthoytu, matte zipppu kittbandide
Lady: Torsi (she inspects it and says), naaLe banni saar, madhyana kodteeni
Me: naaLe sunday alva, tegdirteera?
Lady: Full week working saar, tumba kelasa ide, bengalurinda ella kade inda janaa bartaare, mg road, yeshwantpur ella kade inda bartaare, paapa allinda ella bandaaga naavu illa heLakke agalla alla, nanna maga oDi hoda, ee vayasallu ishtella kelasa maadbeku, en maaDodu.... naaLe banni saar bag kodteeni
Me: Aaytamma naaLe barteeni, naanu yaavagalu ille barodu, appa kooDa ille barodu
Lady: Gottu nanage neevu channagi, neevu chikkavaru aagiddaginda nodtaa ideeni.... nimma tande kooda gottu....

I went back the next day. The bag was well repaired, looked good as new and she charged me 25 rupees for it. Appa would have been scandalized by the amount but would have agreed as she does a good job. But the icing on the cake was that she found and returned a pair of headphones I had displaced and replaced. God bless her I thought, thanked her and walked away....

Some people I guess are genuinely good... and they restore the faith in goodness that most people make you lose so easily.

As of now

The last few weeks have been mixed. Apart from the fact that I have been able to undo some of the stupid things that I was doing in my personal life, all else is stifling the life out of me, because of the stillness of it all is making to very difficult to carry on; the stillness is on the following fronts:

1. The biz is going nowhere, there are clashing styles of working, not good enough business development activity, the clients are unresponsive, the cash is just not flowing, too much effort going into what seems to be a no return investment.... may be it is early days, may be there is a lot that will come together to completely make all the effort worth it, may be it is the darkest hour before dawn, may be it is just the damn timing... but the stillness is killing me. There is so much invested here, so much based on the fact that this will work, that this will be big and great, that there will be good work and better money and a thousand things planned and unplanned will happen based on this; the stillness shakes this very assumption, the assumption that this will work; it shakes it enough to scare the shit out of you, making you wonder if this was the right thing to do, if this is really you claim to fame, if this is really what it is all supposed to be! It is going to take every ounce of integrity and perseverance I have to keep this going, to do what it takes to ensure the assumption is correct. The stillness, I say again, is stifling!

2. Work is bad as usual. There is the usual boss issue and I cannot believe how dumb is he. But that will always be, it is no big deal and there is nothing much that I can do about it. But what worries me more is that the learning curve has stopped. Is it because that I want to stop learning all of this? Or it is because of the 18 month jinx I am hitting? May be it is time to look for a new role, inside or outside, or may be it is time to just say listen, some more time and this will be better and the learning will start; I don't know and I don't know if there is an answer at all! It is going to take a lot to do a good job of what I am doing and that my man is not an easy job! The stillness is in fact annoying here.

Why am I so obsessed that I need to keep moving all the time? Why is it that I cannot accept routine and boredom and not getting ahead somewhere? Is it the intelligence, is it that fact that I think too much or is it that I have a restless mind, which constantly seeks, explores, learns, assimilates, I don't know; I wish I knew. I also want to know is this restlessness good or bad. Is ambition I had suddenly lost and which is back strongly, good or bad? Was the ambition-less stage better, more fulfilling? I don't know, there are just too many questions and too few answers and in the midst of all this, to keep doing well what you need to do is going to massive strength and will power! I hope I have them both!

Amma

I was in a tearing hurry today, simply because I got up late and was all messed up. The cab guy called when I was done eating hullu, stupid oat flakes man!, that silly thing I am doing to try losing weight, and I still had yummy anna huLi that amma had made and I suggested skipping it, as it was piping hot for me only (it must have been boiling, as Babu and he will tell you that I have almost no heat sensors in my throat!). She said nothing doing, cab will wait and she sent me off to the room next door with the fan running full speed (the maid was cleaning the dining hall and the maid takes preference over all else in the house you see; that is the fate we house owners have come to today, our schedules are decided by the maid/ cook/ butler as applicable) so that I could gulp down the food in a tearing hurry and she so sweetly sat down next to me till I ate it, asked if she was not on time and that is why I am in a hurry (oh hell no, she is never late and nobody can ever be more on time for her son than her) and waited so sweetly till I gulped down the yummy food; she took the plate from me and ensure I drank water and sent to on my way to office...

Somewhere deep down, I know that there is no rational reason why she has to be putting fight like this at her age, she should be the one who should be relaxing and me the one running around! How how did her generation learn to give so much, without saying a thing, never complaining, always there, always on time, even if the legs hurt, the back aches, sleep beckons, they somehow can always go on and on for the ones they love! Appa is no different, he loves with the same intensity, what happened today just triggered this blog. I just hope some of us will atleast learn to love like them, even a small portion will make our lives so much more worth it. I will always always cherish very deeply the love that I receive from my parents.

I'll try and tell them how much I cherish it more often....

FB analysed me on my birthday!

Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

we should all read this

Sometimes all that you do in life seems of irrelevant that some of these lessons that I came across seem so useful! and yeah some of them make good IM taglines...

This is something that got forwarded in office...

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
15. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
16. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
17. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
18. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else
19. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said, ' God, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.' God led the holy man to two doors.. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. God said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and lump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, 'I don't understand…' It is simple,' said God. 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'

I wonder where 20 and 21 went though :)

changes

Am now working back in a 9-5 job and it is a nice change from what it used to be. I will gym in the evening and i guess i will start seeing sunsets again! Yay!

the weakness in the moments

Life makes such fools of us, why is it that mankind so stupid that it fails to realize that all weakness is in the moment and a moment of pushing away the impulse can prevent a lot of blunders. A moment of despair can spoil a life oh hope, a moment of anger can kill a lifetime of peace, a second's impulse of recklessness can kill you, maim you. Rationally we all know all of this but it is but nature's way of playing with us, making us do things we should not in spite of knowing that we should not! Life is a bitch, aint it! But like they say, its puppies are cute! And I guess that is what makes it worth it :)

Chatty autodrivers

I hate them, especially when you want to shhut up and think of more important things! Sorry but I have no time to explain the context :)

Damn them!

transcend! Yay!

My thumb drive went through the washing machine and it still works :)
yay! Transcend roxx!

Random Day

I had a random day! Fairly light on work, so I got to think of a million things :)
Well not really, but the noticable and interesting ones I will list here:
1. Shalimar the Clown
2. Global warming and all that we can think of is ourselves while Costa Rica had doubled their forest cover in 20 years
3. Of how my natural disposition is to be nice
4. Dubai meltdown and how I am glad I am not there
5. Of why people save happy memories and how that makes them crib and keep comparing to earlier days
6. Of men who wear tight shirts when they should not be doing so
7. Squash and what cardio effects it has

Many more but I think this is coo!
Wish Ani would read this, but he wont and that is sad!

Small things

The other day, it rained :). I let the car warm up, let the AC bring in the smell of first rains on the wet parched earth come in and listened to Ravi Kiran play something so beautiful that I almost cried :)

Looking back

I think this is an ideal time for me to look back and see where I have come in the past one year. I had the following in mind:

• Business Plan: Well that is in place :)
  
• Weight Loss: Well that has happened too, but the flab's gotta go
  
• Invest: 0, but the marriage fund is filling up
  
• Book: No progress

I'll give myself a 7 on 10 for the past year, and I hope i get to 10.
I think weight and business plan will take importance.

nice

it is going to be so nice to be away for a weekend, no work no worries, the road and then love :) Yay!

2nd step

Mah baby took its second step :)

being a bad boy

Fufe calls me today and as usual he was cribbing about how I never call, don’t call back immediately after seeing the phone and so on! And he went on and on and I got pissed and finally i burned my omlette. After that, after all the daama and naacom finally we got to speaking about what it was that was troubling my dear boy!

And he has decided to be a bad boy and not get back to caring about what people very close to him think of him. Well that is a good thing to do. Because being a good boy takes its toll on you, in the long run. It is very difficult to be a good boy and do all that you want to do! I have chosen to be a good boy, and i don’t get to do all that I want to do, but I guess I cannot do much about it anyways. I have made a choice and I have to stick by it. There is not much I can do to change that anyways.

But fufe became a bad boy for something. He fought in his own way, but it did not work for him. He did not get that something. And now he has the choice to be a good boy again! Tempting to become a good boy again, get the love and respect that he craves for, even now.

But he has decided, decided to be the bad boy.

intensity

I saw luckbychance today. I loved it! It is a fairly repeated story, but there are somethings that make it very nice :). One is the direction, zoya akthar's sense of detail is intense, farhan akthar's acting is intense; more than that, what is intense is the way he has transformed himself! I am impressed by him, completely, and i must say he inspires! He's done well for himself!

Then I saw the final parts of the Australian Open final and though Federer lost; he ,for the first time I remember, broke down at the presentation ceremony, there is so much intensity in the way he looks at him game, that he broke down, the dam burst!

Starkingly different things I saw, but as I look at them, I realize that to be good you need the intensity, the intensity of emotion to go all the way to do what you want to do! The benefits are obvious in the way farhan has turned out and the result of not getting what you want is seen in Federer's case! That is the risk with intensity, it can burn you! That is the only risk, and from what the goodness has to bring, I think it is best to be intense!

I used to be this way, very very intense about what I want, and I do not know what happened! Something snapped! And the intensity went out; I still care about what I want, but to be complete and to feel the burning desire to get that prized thing is something I want to feel again! I want to feel again the intensity I know where nothing could stop me from getting what I want to get! I want to feel that raw desire again, to feel the flame again to prod me to use the talents I have to get what I want, to want the money, the power, the authority to do good and not be one of the most anonymous people who believe in improving themselves, reading and learning, all this will happen, what is most intense and mostly heady is the feeling of being able to influence people and control the happening of good! I want that back and I see it coming!

And amidst all this churn, I miss most the friend who was my anchor when I used to be that intense! Stupid face, I miss the old stupid face! I want that stupid face back!!!

heart ache!

Each time I go by the area, my darlingest, favouritest area ever so often (it is the centre of my universe you see) i sigh out loud and it tears my heart apart that we had to leave that area, stupid fools that we are!

There are a thousand words that run in mind, imagining a thousand scenarios when this could have been different, a thousand things i could have done to make this different! my heart aches, with the same intensity everytime! sigh!

And then the ache clears and I realize that the only way is to earn it back and that I will! Here i come 203!

sixty seconds' worth of distance run

As I begin today with an awesome sense of pride, I realise that it is more today than any other day that I need to keep my head on my shoulders and I cannot but help recall Kipling's beautiful lines

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Courtesy: Rudyard Kipling, the great (if i may add)

May I have the sense to be focused and deliver what I have promised :)

Hooorah!

We got it! We have a long way to go but as babu says " he he :) super babu. Good start."

I cant take the smile off my face :))

Good faith

So often, in fact most times, unless we mean to be mean, we use good faith as a reason, means and justification for doing most things. If you are a nice person, more often than not, "in good faith" becomes a reason to justify most of your actions. The real motive might be selfish in the sense that you might want something from the person whose good faith you want to keep, may be it is expected that you respect the person, may be you cannot afford to upset the person or most often may be you just care too much for the person whose good faith you want to keep.

I think it is important that this whole faith business is where there is no money involved, like in case of a boss-employee scenario, client-vendor scenario or wherever else where the only thing that talks is money.

But sometimes inspite of all the "good faith" things go wrong and you keep blaming yourself for where the ever protecting good faith went! Damn! Well. for one you could be wrong, you might have bungled, you might have not looked at it from the other point of view. May be you were so involved in your own self that you completely missed the point that would have saved the good faith. Or may you just think you know the person, may be you dont and that is why you completely missed the point.

But if all the above is not the reason why things went wrong, then the only explanation can be luck or that you were stupid enough to expect good faith in a place which was possibly never there! Stop blaming yourself and move on!

kolahala 2

The reason for the post below is that too often i feel all this could have been very different!
Something is spiltting me apart and seems like i have no control!

kolahala

there is too much conflict in my head and it is driving me mad. i am not unfamiliar with this but this time is new :(