It is getting lonely out here!

The last 6 days have been awesome. The feeling of doing nothing useful, even remotely for my employer and being officially able to do so has been brilliant. To tell your boss that, "Dei I am so not doing anything" is an awesome feeling. I should do it more often :D

I spent 2 days in Mumbai, meeting one very close friend and one freind who i shared my hostel room with for 2 years, 4 years ago. I was pleased to see that we could still talk as much as we did. It was awesome to sit in IIT Powai for half day and eat mess food (after so long) and gossip about former batchmates :). And I will not forget the reference he made to my crush on "meen tinnuvaLu" :D

And then another day went in sutthing the roads of Delhi all alone, having lunch in Andhra Bhavan all by myself and walking around CP observing people. I did call some people but largely I spent the day brooding over myself, steeped in introspection, walking around jantar mantar like madman let loose. Too much I must say and strangely comfortable. With the fact that I can now officially spend so much time with myself, without getting fidgety. I don't seem to need any reassurance of so many things that I used to seek reassurance for! It is so simple now, somehow I have grown so cold that I don't seem to care about much, about being with the people I want to be with, seeing them, talking to them, keeping in touch. All these have begun to look mundane as I withdraw deeper and deeper into my shell. It has become so weird that I don’t want to talk to my parents, I don’t want to talk to my girl friend and I don’t want to talk to my bestest friend, 4 people, dubbed "Famous 4" who I would spend hours with, screaming my heart out to! I don’t want to speak to them in particular, I still do, but somehow it is ok if I don’t. I don’t say things that I would have normally told them as soon as I got to know the news. But not now, it is ok if I say it late or even forgot to tell them. There is a coldness, in everything that I am doing, driving me deeper and deeper within myself, I am somewhere becoming the cold person that I fought all my life to not become. I was once this happy excited teenager spreading joy everywhere. But now I am turning stone cold, a man so steeped in thoughts of his own life, that the exterior is so far away from the horizon that it is just not visible. I am strangely okay with the whole thing and somehow it does not mater that I am like this.... It is getting lonely out here, and I somehow don't seem to mind at all.