2nd step

Mah baby took its second step :)

being a bad boy

Fufe calls me today and as usual he was cribbing about how I never call, don’t call back immediately after seeing the phone and so on! And he went on and on and I got pissed and finally i burned my omlette. After that, after all the daama and naacom finally we got to speaking about what it was that was troubling my dear boy!

And he has decided to be a bad boy and not get back to caring about what people very close to him think of him. Well that is a good thing to do. Because being a good boy takes its toll on you, in the long run. It is very difficult to be a good boy and do all that you want to do! I have chosen to be a good boy, and i don’t get to do all that I want to do, but I guess I cannot do much about it anyways. I have made a choice and I have to stick by it. There is not much I can do to change that anyways.

But fufe became a bad boy for something. He fought in his own way, but it did not work for him. He did not get that something. And now he has the choice to be a good boy again! Tempting to become a good boy again, get the love and respect that he craves for, even now.

But he has decided, decided to be the bad boy.

intensity

I saw luckbychance today. I loved it! It is a fairly repeated story, but there are somethings that make it very nice :). One is the direction, zoya akthar's sense of detail is intense, farhan akthar's acting is intense; more than that, what is intense is the way he has transformed himself! I am impressed by him, completely, and i must say he inspires! He's done well for himself!

Then I saw the final parts of the Australian Open final and though Federer lost; he ,for the first time I remember, broke down at the presentation ceremony, there is so much intensity in the way he looks at him game, that he broke down, the dam burst!

Starkingly different things I saw, but as I look at them, I realize that to be good you need the intensity, the intensity of emotion to go all the way to do what you want to do! The benefits are obvious in the way farhan has turned out and the result of not getting what you want is seen in Federer's case! That is the risk with intensity, it can burn you! That is the only risk, and from what the goodness has to bring, I think it is best to be intense!

I used to be this way, very very intense about what I want, and I do not know what happened! Something snapped! And the intensity went out; I still care about what I want, but to be complete and to feel the burning desire to get that prized thing is something I want to feel again! I want to feel again the intensity I know where nothing could stop me from getting what I want to get! I want to feel that raw desire again, to feel the flame again to prod me to use the talents I have to get what I want, to want the money, the power, the authority to do good and not be one of the most anonymous people who believe in improving themselves, reading and learning, all this will happen, what is most intense and mostly heady is the feeling of being able to influence people and control the happening of good! I want that back and I see it coming!

And amidst all this churn, I miss most the friend who was my anchor when I used to be that intense! Stupid face, I miss the old stupid face! I want that stupid face back!!!

heart ache!

Each time I go by the area, my darlingest, favouritest area ever so often (it is the centre of my universe you see) i sigh out loud and it tears my heart apart that we had to leave that area, stupid fools that we are!

There are a thousand words that run in mind, imagining a thousand scenarios when this could have been different, a thousand things i could have done to make this different! my heart aches, with the same intensity everytime! sigh!

And then the ache clears and I realize that the only way is to earn it back and that I will! Here i come 203!

sixty seconds' worth of distance run

As I begin today with an awesome sense of pride, I realise that it is more today than any other day that I need to keep my head on my shoulders and I cannot but help recall Kipling's beautiful lines

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Courtesy: Rudyard Kipling, the great (if i may add)

May I have the sense to be focused and deliver what I have promised :)

Hooorah!

We got it! We have a long way to go but as babu says " he he :) super babu. Good start."

I cant take the smile off my face :))

Good faith

So often, in fact most times, unless we mean to be mean, we use good faith as a reason, means and justification for doing most things. If you are a nice person, more often than not, "in good faith" becomes a reason to justify most of your actions. The real motive might be selfish in the sense that you might want something from the person whose good faith you want to keep, may be it is expected that you respect the person, may be you cannot afford to upset the person or most often may be you just care too much for the person whose good faith you want to keep.

I think it is important that this whole faith business is where there is no money involved, like in case of a boss-employee scenario, client-vendor scenario or wherever else where the only thing that talks is money.

But sometimes inspite of all the "good faith" things go wrong and you keep blaming yourself for where the ever protecting good faith went! Damn! Well. for one you could be wrong, you might have bungled, you might have not looked at it from the other point of view. May be you were so involved in your own self that you completely missed the point that would have saved the good faith. Or may you just think you know the person, may be you dont and that is why you completely missed the point.

But if all the above is not the reason why things went wrong, then the only explanation can be luck or that you were stupid enough to expect good faith in a place which was possibly never there! Stop blaming yourself and move on!