being a bad boy

Fufe calls me today and as usual he was cribbing about how I never call, don’t call back immediately after seeing the phone and so on! And he went on and on and I got pissed and finally i burned my omlette. After that, after all the daama and naacom finally we got to speaking about what it was that was troubling my dear boy!

And he has decided to be a bad boy and not get back to caring about what people very close to him think of him. Well that is a good thing to do. Because being a good boy takes its toll on you, in the long run. It is very difficult to be a good boy and do all that you want to do! I have chosen to be a good boy, and i don’t get to do all that I want to do, but I guess I cannot do much about it anyways. I have made a choice and I have to stick by it. There is not much I can do to change that anyways.

But fufe became a bad boy for something. He fought in his own way, but it did not work for him. He did not get that something. And now he has the choice to be a good boy again! Tempting to become a good boy again, get the love and respect that he craves for, even now.

But he has decided, decided to be the bad boy.

intensity

I saw luckbychance today. I loved it! It is a fairly repeated story, but there are somethings that make it very nice :). One is the direction, zoya akthar's sense of detail is intense, farhan akthar's acting is intense; more than that, what is intense is the way he has transformed himself! I am impressed by him, completely, and i must say he inspires! He's done well for himself!

Then I saw the final parts of the Australian Open final and though Federer lost; he ,for the first time I remember, broke down at the presentation ceremony, there is so much intensity in the way he looks at him game, that he broke down, the dam burst!

Starkingly different things I saw, but as I look at them, I realize that to be good you need the intensity, the intensity of emotion to go all the way to do what you want to do! The benefits are obvious in the way farhan has turned out and the result of not getting what you want is seen in Federer's case! That is the risk with intensity, it can burn you! That is the only risk, and from what the goodness has to bring, I think it is best to be intense!

I used to be this way, very very intense about what I want, and I do not know what happened! Something snapped! And the intensity went out; I still care about what I want, but to be complete and to feel the burning desire to get that prized thing is something I want to feel again! I want to feel again the intensity I know where nothing could stop me from getting what I want to get! I want to feel that raw desire again, to feel the flame again to prod me to use the talents I have to get what I want, to want the money, the power, the authority to do good and not be one of the most anonymous people who believe in improving themselves, reading and learning, all this will happen, what is most intense and mostly heady is the feeling of being able to influence people and control the happening of good! I want that back and I see it coming!

And amidst all this churn, I miss most the friend who was my anchor when I used to be that intense! Stupid face, I miss the old stupid face! I want that stupid face back!!!