Close Friend: Wat u doin?
Me : Work!
Close Friend: Wat wrk u doin
Me : Proposals.
Close Friend: Hmmmm
Close Friend: Maadu maadu
Me : How are you?
Close Friend: Me good
Me : What doing?
Close Friend: Timepass
Me : Where?
Close Friend: Home
Me : Raja na office?
Close Friend: Yup
Me : How come? Office closed for a week aa?
Close Friend: No
Me : And btw, are ameya and sakshi still going around?
Close Friend: I'm chumma taking off
Close Friend: No dude
Close Friend: I told u long back they broke off anta
Me : Illa lei. Don't recall. What happened?
Close Friend: Gone case, I hav told u 3 times, 1st time wen we went to mahab, 2nd time in cosmo, 3rd time in La Casa, this is 4th time
Me : Seriously! Don't recall ya.
Close Friend: Tats y I called u as gone case
Close Friend: :P
Close Friend: Or r u self centered?
Close Friend: Anyways they broke up in Aug saying not compatible wit each other
Me : Nin thale. Gone case only I am. He's okaa?
Close Friend: I'm stil in touch wit ameya, sakshi decided to stay secluded, I dint force
Close Friend: Ya ya he is ok
Close Friend: Very stable guy
Close Friend: He did feel bad
Close Friend: But he feels this is better than living in denial
Me : I always had a feeling they're a mismatch.
Close Friend: :). This is the 4th time u saying the same
Me : :)
Thursday, 29 December 2011
Thursday, 22 December 2011
Winters
No wonder I love this time of the year. Winter makes you want cozy things - the well used rug, the soft foot cloth, the blazing fire place, the shot of vodka, the slow effect of scotch, the barbeque grill, the feel of hot coffee on your palms when you clutch the tumbler, the fluffy sweater, the sound of Christmas, the recall of the year gone by, the lack of work at office, the festive mood, the lights at 5pm highlighting it is dark so early, the mufflers, the bright skull cap, the expectation of spring, salted almonds, fog in the morning from your mouth, the feel of the scarce sun on your back.
Oh, I love winters.
Sunday, 18 December 2011
Mainstream
It is silly to dismiss the mainstream in the name of just wanting something better than average. I have seen most such cases fail - miserably. Mainstream has always meant something - power. And for power you need to be good. I have immense respect for people who are powerful and popular in the mainstream.
The elite can never have power. They might have money and influence but real power is in mainstream. The elite live scared without perspective lives.
I think that sort of explains some of the conflicts I face :)
The elite can never have power. They might have money and influence but real power is in mainstream. The elite live scared without perspective lives.
I think that sort of explains some of the conflicts I face :)
Saturday, 9 July 2011
Losing your way around
You see, running your own firm comes with it's sets of own problems. And not all of it merely operational. Many of these problems or issues are philosophical. Babu and I were speaking today about art and why such uncreative things survive. And how Shahrukh Khan is a terrible actor but a terrific salesman. Well the point why I blogged is, survival and what is great need not be the same. It might just be possible that SRK started with a very noble aim of doing great stuff but may be lost his way in his fight to survive. It is not an easy choice.
Monday, 21 February 2011
Monday, 11 October 2010
run baby run
I am itching to run away, to run with single minded devotion to do what I need to get done to be free, to be independent and live the way I want to.
The wait is almost over, I can see the end - Yippie - I want to run away from the madness that my life has been for the last three years and a half now :)
The wait is almost over, I can see the end - Yippie - I want to run away from the madness that my life has been for the last three years and a half now :)
Thursday, 15 July 2010
In a distant land
I sit in a distant land...
With no one close in sight...
And I think what is life without the people who love... even if it is heaven!
I'd rather be in hell with people I love than in heaven alone.
With no one close in sight...
And I think what is life without the people who love... even if it is heaven!
I'd rather be in hell with people I love than in heaven alone.
Monday, 21 June 2010
a new to do list
I made a new to do list today - a list of things that will get in the way of me doing the things I want to do. I am going to get rid of them, and I will tick it off my list.
Also, I have decided to not talk to people about what I want to do anymore. I will just do what I need to do. And all those guys who keep telling me what to do can goto bloody f*****g hell! I guess it is upto me to do what I should.
A big BAH to all you bums who get in the way!
Also, I have decided to not talk to people about what I want to do anymore. I will just do what I need to do. And all those guys who keep telling me what to do can goto bloody f*****g hell! I guess it is upto me to do what I should.
A big BAH to all you bums who get in the way!
Friday, 18 June 2010
somethings do not change
I have been shopping and I have realized that what I decided 2.5 years ago was correct. I am made for certain things. I should shut my trap and do what I have decided I should do. Just keeps getting complicated.
Monday, 24 May 2010
intense boredom
I am bored. In a basic, fundamental way. I don't know where I caught it or even when, but I am bored like never before. It is an intense boredom. I find myself incapable of doing anything remotely useful. I am frustrated in a way that nothing - nothing that I had planned is falling into place. I am not used to such events - I am more used to having things my way. And this has somehow resulted in boredom. Which is not at all a good sign! Move it - come on; get something going!
Thursday, 29 April 2010
Monday, 19 April 2010
my darling
Appa is so cute!
He asked me when I was walking into office today of when I will leave. And when I told him that I was just getting in, he said oh I should have asked you when you left home in the cab :) He is so cute, aint he!
He asked me when I was walking into office today of when I will leave. And when I told him that I was just getting in, he said oh I should have asked you when you left home in the cab :) He is so cute, aint he!
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
strategy
I had the great fortune of listening to a very senior person in this company. He is by far the best I have seen in this context. It is always a pleasure to listen to what he has to say. He spoke about a lot of things that are right and that are not right and what it will take to do well in the future. But there is one thing that he said which stuck as it is very relevant for me at this point in time.
He said, if there is no risk, there is no strategy. Any thing that is termed as strategy without any risk is simply life insurance. All you do is pay premium to live. It is useful only if you die, defeating the purpose of strategy, which is to ensure you beat them all.
I think this has long lasting implications on what we are doing today. There has to be risk in what you do. It is only then that you can reap long lasting rewards. And you have to plan for the next 25 years, not make some money in the future. And what you define has to change the game. None of this has any moentary implications. No strategy should be built on money. It has to make monetary sense. But then nothing monetary as a goal. It is detrimental to play the money game. It is important to good work. To do things to change the way the market works. To do big bold things. That is what we need to do. Babu, I cannot agree more with you :)
Friday, 12 March 2010
convincing them
I got home early enough yesterday. And I was planning to sit down to talk to appa amma and P about what it is that I am going to do. I think they deserve to know what it is that I am going to do and I need to have there approval. So post dinner, with the "freedom" deadline looming in the background, and after many attempts to start the conversation along these lines, we all sat down after closing the kitchen.
I told them many things: of how much time this is currently taking and why it makes sense to do EN full time. Some of them are that we are hitting a certain scale, that moonlighting is too tiring, and that we need to do this full time to realize its true potential. Amma questioned that timing of quitting and expressed the fact that it might make sense to quit a little later, after having built a certain corpus for all sorts of reasons. But then there is the fact that what corpus is good enough? How much is security. And there are kids. I am 25 now, to be 26 by time I leave. If I want to be a father when I am 28, it gives me 2 years to establish a constant, stable income. Each month extra I take, the closer I am to that deadline. I need to have this established by the time I am 28. That is the deadline.
Amma said she is ok with all the reasons, but then kids should not be a concern. And appa said he will pay my phone bills for a while :)
But then, I finally explained to them why it is that I want to go from madness to madderness as appa calls it, why it is that I want to throw away a very good salary and get back to creating something on my own.
The reasons of why I want to be on my own are clear: There is independence, there is a chance to create something of your own, of simply the chance to be your own boss. There is all this. And there is so much more money. But most importantly there are 2 reasons why being on your own is so good:
1. You prove to yourself that you can exist on your own, that you have it in you to be by yourself and be big and powerful and that you do not need the corporate world to be cocooned in to be safe and survive. I want to strong and hard and a fighter to the core.
2. I have the talent, I have the guts to throw it all away and do something on my own. But most importantly I have the circumstance of not needing the immediate financial security that a job offers. Often many people do not have this freedom from cash flow. Also, not many have talent and not too many have the guts. I have all 3 and in good measure. It would be a shame to throw this wonderful opportunity away, to shy away from what can be big and great and may be set an example of using opportunity.
I want to do this. Really. For all the above the reasons. And I want to be big and brave and powerful but most importantly I want to live life on my terms and conditions. Go for it, P told me, and that she will see me through it.
And may be madderness is better than madness :)
I love the three of them :)
P.S. Get well soon P
I told them many things: of how much time this is currently taking and why it makes sense to do EN full time. Some of them are that we are hitting a certain scale, that moonlighting is too tiring, and that we need to do this full time to realize its true potential. Amma questioned that timing of quitting and expressed the fact that it might make sense to quit a little later, after having built a certain corpus for all sorts of reasons. But then there is the fact that what corpus is good enough? How much is security. And there are kids. I am 25 now, to be 26 by time I leave. If I want to be a father when I am 28, it gives me 2 years to establish a constant, stable income. Each month extra I take, the closer I am to that deadline. I need to have this established by the time I am 28. That is the deadline.
Amma said she is ok with all the reasons, but then kids should not be a concern. And appa said he will pay my phone bills for a while :)
But then, I finally explained to them why it is that I want to go from madness to madderness as appa calls it, why it is that I want to throw away a very good salary and get back to creating something on my own.
The reasons of why I want to be on my own are clear: There is independence, there is a chance to create something of your own, of simply the chance to be your own boss. There is all this. And there is so much more money. But most importantly there are 2 reasons why being on your own is so good:
1. You prove to yourself that you can exist on your own, that you have it in you to be by yourself and be big and powerful and that you do not need the corporate world to be cocooned in to be safe and survive. I want to strong and hard and a fighter to the core.
2. I have the talent, I have the guts to throw it all away and do something on my own. But most importantly I have the circumstance of not needing the immediate financial security that a job offers. Often many people do not have this freedom from cash flow. Also, not many have talent and not too many have the guts. I have all 3 and in good measure. It would be a shame to throw this wonderful opportunity away, to shy away from what can be big and great and may be set an example of using opportunity.
I want to do this. Really. For all the above the reasons. And I want to be big and brave and powerful but most importantly I want to live life on my terms and conditions. Go for it, P told me, and that she will see me through it.
And may be madderness is better than madness :)
I love the three of them :)
P.S. Get well soon P
of what it is that really gives me a high
I have often wondered what it is that makes me tick and want to do good work. I thought may be it is a promotion or salary or my boss's approval. Unfortunately it is none of these I realized. My greatest kick comes from cracking a problem. I am at heart a problem solver. I solved 2 problems in office and it gave me a big high yesterday. These were somethings that I was struggling with for a while.
I think what takes EN down sometimes is that we find workarounds for problems, not solutions. And it is only that long that an attitude like this can last. I think the way to take EN to the next level to find solutions to problems we encounter. This has to be done on 2 levels. One is to find solutions that the clients have, students and institutes have. The other is find solutions to the problems we encounter when we sell to them. And these are what will give me a kick. But more importantly, it is this that I think will make EN to take off.
I think what takes EN down sometimes is that we find workarounds for problems, not solutions. And it is only that long that an attitude like this can last. I think the way to take EN to the next level to find solutions to problems we encounter. This has to be done on 2 levels. One is to find solutions that the clients have, students and institutes have. The other is find solutions to the problems we encounter when we sell to them. And these are what will give me a kick. But more importantly, it is this that I think will make EN to take off.
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Focus is critical
I am going through a phase when all I have to do is focus. There is no choice but to focus. There will be many many distractions. And some of them will be very attractive distractions. And even positive ones. But then the choice I think is clear. I need to keep my head on my shoulders and do what it is that I have set out to do. And do the required things to be inspired and motivated enough to do what it is that I have decided to achieve. The next few months will need me to have this focus. And it is this focus that will decide if I will make it in what I am trying to do.
I am training my mind to let me have this single minded focus and attention. For it is in this focus and attention that great things can be achieved. And all great things have small beginnings. I am rapidly beginning to believe that this is a sign of great things to come, it will take everything that I can give but it will become what I want it to be.
And everything that can be a distraction to move me from the chosen path is a strict no no. Amen!
I am training my mind to let me have this single minded focus and attention. For it is in this focus and attention that great things can be achieved. And all great things have small beginnings. I am rapidly beginning to believe that this is a sign of great things to come, it will take everything that I can give but it will become what I want it to be.
And everything that can be a distraction to move me from the chosen path is a strict no no. Amen!
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
of why this madness
BABU: interesting I don’t have need for a lot of money. I want to do things on my own
ME: on your own is the only way to make more money I want money so that I can get power and then I will change the fucking world lunch now....talk later
BABU: that is silly. money and power are unconnected. people are the only way for power!
ME: babu money plays a role
don’t know if u get it
also defines wat kind of power u want
I do not want gandhi power baba amte power I want jairam ramesh power. it needs money
food beckons bye
BABU: ok. enjoy food
Btw I want power when young so I cannot wait for money
Talk to you later then
ME: babu money is easiest to get
BABU: so I am not that worried about it
ME: with money comes power think about it
BABU: no money has nothing to do with power. I mean what do you want to do with power
ME: be useful to people
BABU: how?
ME: for starters, primary education.... useful way... not like government
BABU: primary education is useful. but not the govt given one?
ME: they do it in scale... but the way we get educated is important....I want children to grow up unbiased or less biased that is an area that will be worth working on
BABU: less biased to what
I cannot quite fathom what you are saying
ME: the usual sense of right and wrong, good and bad, what life means to people chill chill we will discuss later for now I want money
BABU: I am chill ya
ME: simple
BABU: ok that is a very important thing that you told ya
We have been throwing around words like education and public policy for a long timei want to understand if we actually mean it.
ME: I doubt exact definition I do not know...
BABU: we all mean it mans.
ME: and I think right now I am too tied up to think about it but it will happen small chewable goals babu
BABU: exactly we need to start defining things.
ME: earn enuf to quit and do full time
BABU: I know all that at times I get angry
I mean really angry
ME: so let us park this definition for now.
BABU: at what I have become
ME: angry abt what? What have u become?
BABU: small, miniscule object living the well defined life that bothers me
ME: it will change soon we make certain mistakes... it takes time to recover
simple, for example I shud have never bought that car. I could have quit now....but I did and it is hampering my progress now....I get angry too
BABU: yeah. That is an example that quite explains it
ME: frustrated too but it cannot be helped too much I am trying my best to get out of this in a shape to be able to do all that I want to do so just stop thinking for a while
BABU: in a way you are correcti mean there is no way out
ME: there are many defenses to this anger.....
BABU: *no other way
ME: I am just finding the fruitful one...like they say, inaction is also an action....choosing not to act is also a choice...
BABU: correct lets quicken ya babu.
ME: sometimes I feel I am wasting every second sitting and running after things that will have no value....exactly babu.... we need to push this.... soon as possible...
ME: on your own is the only way to make more money I want money so that I can get power and then I will change the fucking world lunch now....talk later
BABU: that is silly. money and power are unconnected. people are the only way for power!
ME: babu money plays a role
don’t know if u get it
also defines wat kind of power u want
I do not want gandhi power baba amte power I want jairam ramesh power. it needs money
food beckons bye
BABU: ok. enjoy food
Btw I want power when young so I cannot wait for money
Talk to you later then
ME: babu money is easiest to get
BABU: so I am not that worried about it
ME: with money comes power think about it
BABU: no money has nothing to do with power. I mean what do you want to do with power
ME: be useful to people
BABU: how?
ME: for starters, primary education.... useful way... not like government
BABU: primary education is useful. but not the govt given one?
ME: they do it in scale... but the way we get educated is important....I want children to grow up unbiased or less biased that is an area that will be worth working on
BABU: less biased to what
I cannot quite fathom what you are saying
ME: the usual sense of right and wrong, good and bad, what life means to people chill chill we will discuss later for now I want money
BABU: I am chill ya
ME: simple
BABU: ok that is a very important thing that you told ya
We have been throwing around words like education and public policy for a long timei want to understand if we actually mean it.
ME: I doubt exact definition I do not know...
BABU: we all mean it mans.
ME: and I think right now I am too tied up to think about it but it will happen small chewable goals babu
BABU: exactly we need to start defining things.
ME: earn enuf to quit and do full time
BABU: I know all that at times I get angry
I mean really angry
ME: so let us park this definition for now.
BABU: at what I have become
ME: angry abt what? What have u become?
BABU: small, miniscule object living the well defined life that bothers me
ME: it will change soon we make certain mistakes... it takes time to recover
simple, for example I shud have never bought that car. I could have quit now....but I did and it is hampering my progress now....I get angry too
BABU: yeah. That is an example that quite explains it
ME: frustrated too but it cannot be helped too much I am trying my best to get out of this in a shape to be able to do all that I want to do so just stop thinking for a while
BABU: in a way you are correcti mean there is no way out
ME: there are many defenses to this anger.....
BABU: *no other way
ME: I am just finding the fruitful one...like they say, inaction is also an action....choosing not to act is also a choice...
BABU: correct lets quicken ya babu.
ME: sometimes I feel I am wasting every second sitting and running after things that will have no value....exactly babu.... we need to push this.... soon as possible...
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
of the bus
Today is bus day in bangalore. And i took the bus to work. And I will take the bus home in the evening. Yay! Am so proud of myself :)
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Sunday, 31 January 2010
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